Return to What is Real

Dear Friends,

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed your holidays and are happily beginning the fresh new year stretched out

before you! An extended vacation I chose to take from social media helped me discover a few things, or I should say “rediscover.”

I found much more time to work on the creative endeavors that usually get pushed to the end of the day. I painted, and sketched, and played with words for my upcoming e-book. I read books and leafed through magazines for uplifting articles. I tried out new recipes and stirred up some old favorites. I tried out a new craft – wool felting – and finished a long forgotten counted cross-stitch project. More room for meditation and daydreaming – that oh-so-important method for stirring up the imagination – crept into the latter hours when my energy shifts into low gear. I walked outdoors until the deep freeze settled into my tiny township.

The days seemed longer in a good way and allowed lots of space for good conversation. I listened and occasionally stepped up on my soapbox to say what calls to me as important when some random comment sparks a thought. For the most part I avoided all the bad news. Much of the “news” we read or watch can’t truly be trusted anyway and at best is biased according to who writes or reports it. On social media we are essentially preaching to a choir of our own design so I’m not sure to what degree sharing on social media actually rallies any new support or mobilizes a solution for our particular cherished cause.

Then, coincidentally, I was privileged to read the concerns of an eight-year-old child – not on the internet but written in pencil with all the heart and depth and misspelled words on lined paper of a living, breathing child that I have the honor to know.

The child asked why people are “always on their technology but no longer talk to each other.” “People are addicted to their cell phones,” dared this brave young voice of wisdom. “Am I the only one who knows this?” asked the youngster. Thankfully the child shared these words with a caring mom who, by sharing the notebook with me and a few others, has awakened awareness for a few.

My phone is archaic with no internet connection, yet I am guilty of too much internet time. My goal is to become less involved online, the way it used to be before technology invaded our lives with its promise of making life simpler. I’ve not found technology to make life simpler but rather to have traded the old headaches for new, more infuriating ones. And most significant, computer time has taken time from those I love and the activities that feed my soul. Social media only gives the illusion of connection and I’ve heard from reliable sources that teens are actually afraid to talk to each other in person because they don’t know how! Now that is tragic.

On that note, I am giving up “the scroll” on social media which tends to turn my intention to look at “just a few posts” into an endless maze where I lose precious minutes and my mind turns mushy. From now on look for one post I will share from my RobinHeartStories page and maybe an occasional extra per day.

I care what is going on for you and if you’re local, let’s set aside some time to get together one to one with no distractions, where we can be unedited and real, not a polished-up version of ourselves. Local or otherwise, if you’d like to have a heart to heart on the phone please message or email me with your number or ask for mine and we’ll chat like in the old days, strumming our vocal chords with the latest in captured dreams and creative imaginings. Or maybe we’ll be a compassionate ear for each other’s hurt or recently suffered disappointment. Whatever it is, live, minute by minute contact will bring us closer together and provide a future a child will be proud to be part of.

Let’s make it a Happy New Year for everyone!

Many Blessings,

Robin
Find me on:
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Listening for Your Heart

There is special kind of listening called listening with the heart that unlocks a treasure unlike anything else. Listening with the heart creates connection between two people, two countries, and even between a person and themselves or their natural surroundings. Listening with the heart helps you, well, get to the heart of the matter. It strengthens bonds. It opens the door for healing to occur. And it’s good for your health!

You are not alone if you have difficulty listening. It is one of our most common interpersonal relationship stumbling blocks. There is only one way to access the key to better listening. You must turn off all those red buttons that go off in your mind. The flashing red lights that have you preparing a response without really hearing what the other person is saying. The buttons that project your own meaning on what is being said instead of listening to understand the other person’s meaning. And worst of all, the buttons that urge you to jump in and interrupt because you think you have something more important to say OR because what a person is saying makes you uncomfortable prompting you to talk over and shut the person up altogether.

I was in a health care workshop once when the facilitator began to speak about how to handle someone who emotes in your presence and perhaps shares an experience that is causing them concern. His simple advice? Listen. He said, “If a client emotes with you it is a sign that they trust you enough to allow a peek into their innermost being. This goes for anyone who allows themselves to be vulnerable with you whether in business or personal interactions. It is a sacred moment and one you should be honored to witness. Be quiet. Give your full attention and respect.” He went on to say, “If you find you have difficulty hearing someone’s story or observing their tears, I strongly urge you to seek therapy to find out why. That is something going on inside of YOU that needs to be addressed and healed.”

While undergoing a training in body-centered psychotherapy I learned to listen with my whole being. When the traditional senses of sight, hearing, and touch join together with well-honed intuition and empathy – while allowing the mind to retreat to the background - we can be said to be listening with the heart. This requires “tuning in” completely to the other person. Most of my client sessions involved quiet, focused listening to what the person’s whole being was telling me. Quite often during a session I did little more than mirror back the few words uttered by the client. At the conclusion, inevitably the client reported feeling truly understood though I had added little or no input. The client was able to pull together lost parts of themselves and begin to heal simply because they were heard with unbiased, unconditional regard for what their experience was in a given moment. Healing does not need to be in a clinical setting to occur.

Listening is an extremely pleasurable experience when you do it with the intention of really connecting with another human being and meeting them on their own level. The opposite, interrupting or talking over a person, raises blood pressure for both parties and is often cause for two people moving further away from each other rather than closer to understanding and compassion. This makes sense when you consider the work of Dr. Rick Bommelje and Dr. Manny Steil whose "Listening Leaders Newsletter" reports the effects of interrupting on your health:

Several university studies have found that people who interrupt conversations are at greater risk for heart problems. In fact, one study at Duke University found that people who interrupt are up to seven times more likely to get heart disease! Why is this so? The researchers theorize that people who interrupt are excessively competitive and controlling - two hallmarks of the worst "Type A" personalities.

But here is the amazing kicker: These same high-risk people can lower their risk without totally altering their personalities...and without any drugs, exercise or dietary changes. All they have to do is practice being good listeners.

If you are someone who tends to interrupt or gets anxious during a conversation there is plenty of information available to help you learn how to listen. Here’s a great short video from Ornish Lifestyle Medicine to get you started: https://www.ornish.com/video/feeling-others/  When you have more time, Leon Berg offers great suggestions in his TEDx talk https://youtu.be/6iDMuB6NjNA

Your significant others and business colleagues will thank you! 

Peace of the day to you and happy listening, Robin