When I wrote down the stories for my book Earth Divine – Adventures of an Everyday
Mystic I wanted to get across the idea that if we pay close attention to
the incredible world that surrounds us and form true relationship with it, it
responds in miraculous ways. Focused communication with people and pets as well
as trees, birds, our wild four-legged friends, even rocks hold messages of
wisdom and guidance. They offer us a sense of comfort and belonging, but only
when we learn to be present and listen deeply. By staying present I found out
it is possible to connect on levels I would never have believed until I knew
the moment of NOW and realized the impermanence of things. I discovered the
sacredness of direct contact and communion with all my relations.
Technology offers contact with humans. It is now possible to
send messages to almost every part of the world. It also isolates us unless we have a dedicated intention to get out there and be with it all. What’s often missing is communion.
There are many advantages to technological access. I
understand there are times when we want to connect with what the internet
offers. At the same time if technology takes away from real-time connection with
other humans and the world we are one with, where are we headed? Without down
time how can we expect our imaginations to soar and dream and create? Without
going outdoors for extended periods how can we have any hope of receiving
essential messages from our non-human friends – messages that enhance our time
here on earth? We are not using technology wisely. Before you tune me out,
please listen to this five minute TEDx talk: https://youtu.be/UNGvhO8XNrE
I’ve been thinking a lot about cell phones – the kind that do
everything but get you dressed in the morning. Cell phones are my biggest pet
peeve. Why? Because they usually go everywhere with their owners and get in the
way of live human interaction. I love the scent and sensuality of people – the
little plastic attention robbers that take people away from where they are in
present time, not so much. I want to know who you are today and who you hope to
be tomorrow, what you care about, and what motivates or stirs you. I want to hear it with my ears and see it in your eyes.
I refuse to have anything but a simple phone. Friends and
acquaintances snicker at my antique, my dinosaur of the techy age. If my phone,
which does no more than connect me with (hopefully) a live voice or the
occasional text message, is a simple dinosaur then so am I. I am happy to compare
myself to those ancient creatures who lived as peaceable giants, who fed on
plants and small fish, in families, herds, packs, and in strong social
communities.
An article from Scientific American, written by Helen Lee
Lin, social psychologist, says that the mere visual presence of a cell phone
reduces the intimacy, trust, and empathy of a relationship. This is based on
studies rather than biased opinion. You may read more here: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-your-cell-phone-hurts-your-relationships/
I’ve felt the punch of being in the same space with someone
on cell phone Wi-Fi just as I imagine many other dinosaurs have. We may as well
be by ourselves if the other person is more interested in what’s happening on
the phone than they are in the person they’re sitting next to.
When two or more people sit in the same close space using
their devices, MIT professor and author Sherry Turkle calls it being “alone
together.” She says, “Technology has become the architect of our intimacies.
Online, we fall prey to the illusion of companionship, gathering thousands of
Twitter and Facebook friends, and confusing tweets and wall posts with
authentic communication. But this relentless connection leads to a deep solitude…as
technology ramps up, our emotional lives ramp down…we’re lonely but we’re
afraid of intimacy.” Listen to her TED talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together
I’ve observed people having lunch together, engaged with
their phones so much as to not know what else is going on around them let alone
with the person they arrived with. Would they notice if someone nearby was
choking? I’ve witnessed those in attendance at a concert in glazed-over
obsession with a tiny lit screen instead of paying attention to the people on
stage. As a performer myself, I know this has got to be hard for any performer
who feeds off the energy of the crowd. What we don’t realize is how much we need
tangible meaningful connection in any interaction. Phones are not only a
distraction but an adverse step in the direction of forgetting how great and
healthful real eyeball to eyeball, heart to heart communication and connection
can be.
It can be too tempting to hide behind your little black box
and not have to deal with the feelings and musings of another living,
breathing, vulnerable person. A lack of face to face contact leads to
complacency, anti-social behavior, loneliness, and erosion of emotional health.
In Psychology today, Christopher Bergland wrote, “Phone calls and digital
communication, with friends or family members, do not have the same power as
face-to-face social interactions in helping to stave off depression."
These days people have fewer close friendships, decreasing social skills
(especially children), reduced language skills, and increased social media
bullying (both adult and youth), and technology addiction. As a society, we are
forgetting HOW to talk to each other.
Communication via technology tends to be quick, short, and
impersonal. Years of research proves that ninety-three percent of communication
is non-verbal. In online conversation, you have no way of knowing for sure how
your recipient will receive and interpret your message. If you “talk” via the
“waves” it’s too easy to react and say something you will later regret. You may
be present with your own response but fail to be present with that of the other
person. There is no voice inflection or tone. No body language or facial
expression and little chance of coming to an understanding if a comment is
misconstrued.
Growing up, I remember the mailman stopping by for coffee at
the homes of his friends. He lingered and joyful chatter filled the rafters. My
family had dinner with friends and nothing interfered with the flow of catching
up, who did what when, and how it all went. The smiling faces caused by
intimate conversation imprinted on my mind: Mom and Dad, Mr. and Mrs. Shea,
Myrtle Stone, The Halls, my high school pals, and so many more. Most are gone
but they live on in my heart because I paid attention when they were with me. They
told jokes, shared concerns, offered praises, sympathy, and congratulations.
When we were together it was rude to answer a ringing phone, turn on a
television, or play the radio unless it was turned way down. Two or four or ten
people engaged with each other full on, telling stories, listening - hearts
buzzing in tune with each other. It didn’t matter if the story was new or had
been told a thousand times. What mattered was connection and I always came away
with a sense of being supported and necessary to the whole. The place where two
or more gathered became sacred space. The same for solo moments. Alone time was
a sacred time without distraction for inner contemplation, soul-searching,
rejuvenation, and much needed quiet and rest from the cares of the world.
In yoga, I learned the ancient Sanskrit greeting Namaste – a
term that means, “the divinity in me recognizes the divinity in you.” Yoga
philosophy urges to do no harm. With
these yoga teachings in mind I dream of a world where we care enough about each
other and ourselves to enliven the sacred in our relationships and nurture them
by making room in our scheduled lives for at least half an hour a day of
intentional, meaningful conversation where we put aside all technology in favor
of bonding with those we love. I envision when two or more are gathered we
revere that time and space as sacred. Light a candle, hold hands, link arms,
share a sunset. Even the non-verbal can be intimate and meaningful when
technology doesn’t stand between us. When we are outdoors, alone or with
others, we take time to quiet our thoughts and listen to the wisdom that waits
in the hollows, the mountains, the creeks, the birdsong, and the serenity of
stillness.
May peace and wonderful conversations be part of your every day!
Robin
